Jan 17
Holy Gravlax Batman! Norway allows cell phones on planes.
Yes it’s true. The Norwegians have done it again.
Surprising? Heck no! These guys have been catching the world off guard for eons. 1st there were the Viking invasions, then the great speed skating sex scandals of 1912, and now this. Norwegian airlines has just announced that passengers will now be able to use their cell phones on flights. Read the facts here.
So the next time you’re going from Dubrovnik (DBV) to Trondheim (TRD) you will have the god given right to call your buddy and tell him all about how scrumptious that incredible plate of Rakfisk (fermented Norwegian trout, see below) you chowed this morning was.
Yummy!
So if the Norse can do it why can’t we?
God, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve said that…
Word on the street is that, when that massive bandwidth auction takes place, a little section might be used to create a little space for all of us to use on our trips through the great blue yonder. Won’t that be nice.
Now, you’ll be able to drown out the dreaded screaming child by sitting next to a caffeinated teenage girl en route to spring break, a few death metal ring tones, a weeping divorce’ talking to her lawyer, a drunk toner salesman chatting up his mistress, and me, explaining a dream I had to my pal, that was about a time when I went to Subway, and they only had seven grain bread. (true story, that was the whole f-ing dream. When I woke up I realized I needed some more excitement in my life)
So let’s assume that this statement is true. Most people hate most of the people they see around them at all times. Then it’s pretty safe to assume that unbridled cellphone usage on planes might not be the best idea in the world. We could have some pretty serious rage incidents of Nokia’s beging smashed on people’s heads, or iPhones being used as forced suppositories.
Sure, if your halfway through your flight from Gadank (GDN) to Stavanger (SVG) and these two kindly Norwegians are chatting with their grand daughters at the luge training facility, life would be fine.
Or better yet, the grand daughters are sitting next to you talking to Mamu and Papi on the phone. (see imaginary grand daughters below)
But we here in America are used to different in-flight experiences. We get the kind where religious zealots with bad breath, screaming parents, kvetching retirees and surly 25 year veteran stewardesses do everything in their power to disturb you. So let’s be careful how we open up the airways.
Speaking of airways, when the Captain was but a young lad there was a time where leathery skinned, raspy smokers used to populate the backs of planes, calming their frayed nerves with an endless stream of Camel un-filtereds. A pleasant smell? Not really, but the one thing I knew was that that was where the cool kids were hanging out. So that is what I propose. A calling section, similar to the smoking section of old. More of a lounge than a seat.
As this is a topic that will soon be upon us like a plate of fresh Pinnekjøtt, I ask all of you, my readers, to chime in and let me know how you feel. Yes, we are a mobile world now, and I, working for a mobile entertainment company value my cell phone and all the awesome things it can do as much as the next Norwegian, but do we really want that last place of disconnectedness to be, all of a sudden very much online?
I for one, do not know the answer. So please, chime in friends.
- Captain Cellfish
Assistant to Prime Minister Thorbjørn Jagland
10 Comments so far
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I believe, Herr Captain, that they prefer “flight attendants” to “stewardess”
Hey awesome post The Call Norwegian services will include travel information for passengers, broadband telephone services and mobile banking. Nice offbeat and very interesting post..and the Rakfisk looks good!
BTW Nice To See You!….Holla!
Not to nitick, but I think Gravlax is Swedish, on top of that Dubrovnik is in Croatia, which is pretty far, pretty much like mixing up, I dunno… NYC and Dallas for instance. Finally, it’s Trondheim, not Trondhiem…
As for cellphones in a plane: no thanks! We already have to live with loud conversations pretty much everywhere, a bit of calm in the air is more than welcome. Especially if you’re flying at night and need to sleep, which is usually hard enough in a plane without someone feeling the urge to yell, right next to you…
Your international friend
Yann, my friend -
Thanks for the Comment. While Gravlax is a traditional sweedish dish, they are in fact, oft served in Norland, and in mentioning Dubrovnik I was only speaking of flight routes that Norwegian Air is currently serving. And as for the mis-spelling, thank you.
I think I agree with you.
CC
Cellfish-
I think you’re not giving enough credit to the invisible hand of the marketplace. Who absolutely *needs* continuous phone contact with the earth? Phone sex professionals have to be near the top of that list. As the word of this service gets out, I’m certain more and more of them will choose Norwegian Air.
As a result, more and more Average Joes will choose to get a free ride in the Kilometer High Club, sitting in the Cell Phone Section amongst the moaners, screamers and others who know that sex cells.
Gravlax, my a$$. Fly Norwegian Air and you’ll be gravving something else.
I thought you did a very good blog,as you always do,Unfortunately I don’t fly so I don’t know the rules and regs regarding cell phones, But gret reading,keep up the good work
Caz
great post captain. I think this is some sad stuff. Getting cellphones on planes should be somewhere near 11132nd order of business on the airlines to-do list. The percentage of planes that arrive on time is hilariously low these days. I guess they figure if you aren’t able to make it home for Christmas because of their incompetence, talking to Ma and Pa while in the air will soften the blow a little
Well dear Captn - can I exchange the 25-year veteran for free wifi on my blackberry? Or should I just focus on Virgin America where stewardesses (oh, sorry flight attendants) are actually young and energetic?
Long live the train ride!
Captain, who can say no wrong. I happen to hate Gravlax, but love the idea of cell phones on planes. Love your website.
not that I fly anywhere (don’t mind me…I’ll just sit here in the dark…go.go you have fun…it’s all right, I’m all right…sitting here in the dark) but, as far a cell phone use…I wouldn’t mind an earful of a good,juicy conversation, but most overheard blah blah is just that… blah; so my suggestion is that there be some sort of screening or test that must be passed to gain the right to use that that thing. By the way, will you show me how to view my text messages?