Gather ’round my little cherubic friends and I’ll tell you a tale. Come warm ye paws by my hearth, drink some of this here meade (Colt 45), and open thyne ears.

In honor of this, our yearly feast I will offer a retelling of the great American fable. The Story of Thanksgiving.

This version will be slightly different than the traditional version. In this version, the role of the Native Americans will be played by the Cellphone Carriers and the role of the Hungry Pilgrims will be played by us, Cellfish.

So here goes…

It was fall 1621 and the Pilgrims were hungry. Our fledgling crops looked pretty lame, and we needed help. We were a strong bunch of motivated, religious zealots, and we were ready to make a go of it in the new world.

We were going to make mobile entertainment here as big as it is in Europe. American mobile technology was the new world and our rickety ship had made the daunting trans Atlantic journey. And when we landed we marveled at the vast wide open spaces, the incredible marketplace that was this great land. Sure we had our stupid black hats on, our belt buckles were cumbersome, and our shoes were impractical, but we gave it all we had. Then we found that this great open territory was not quite as forgiving as it had looked from the poop deck of the Mayflower.

So we, the scrappy little pilgrims were hungry, weary, and looking for a little help from our native friends (the carriers). We were merely looking for a way to monetize mobile entertainment, so the public could get what they want, we would be able to put over-sized fowl on our tables, and the carriers could continue to rake in the dollars.

This is what we were looking for…

(btw that’s me there, the little puritanical looking number with the bonnet, giving some bread to the carriers)

But in our little version of the Thanksgiving story, we were not helped. In fact, in our version of the story, the carriers come and take our crops, let us starve in the bitter Massachusetts winter, pee on our fires, and leave us for dead.

Our version of the tale looks a bit more like this.

(that’s us with the pinky finger in our nose)

So here’s how our version of the Thanksgiving story ends. All the pilgrims die, the New World never flourishes, and Twinkies, Johnny Cash, iPhones, and the Ford Mustang never exist. The end.

If your children are crying due to the tragic nature of this tale let them know “the world is a cold place, get used to it.”

So what are the lessons that this Thanksgiving tale teaches us?

Instead of being giving, forward looking and open, the carriers have been the opposite. They have held onto every last penny making sure that the consumer has had no choice but to find alternative ways to get music and videos on their phones. If the mobile entertainment world is going to survive in the face of iPhones and Androids, something is going to have to give, and if it doesn’t, this beautiful unspoiled new world harvest which could have looked like this…

Will very soon look like this instead.

But never fear. We here at Cellfish.com have plenty to be thankful for. Our web site is kicking butt, our users are extremely happy, our offer of free ringtones is still going on (go get ‘em people, cause this giving spirit only lasts for so long) and life is all together peachy.

So happy Thanksgiving everyone.

- Captain Cellfish
Director of Revisionist History