Hello!

The Captain has been given one hell of a challenge. Promote our free ringtone give-away.

Here are the details. It’s pretty damn simple, really.

We, Cellfish.com, are giving away all of our premium ring tones, for the grand, whopping price of zero dollars.

Should be a pretty simple thing to offer. Free ring tones from top artists. What’s the big problem?

Well, I’ll tell you. You see, everyone out there says they have “free ring tones.” There are like 867,340 web sites that offer free ring tones already, but the thing is, 867,339 of them are just trying to trick you into downloading a ring tone, before they nail you with a subscription charge, or some hidden fee, or some other sneaky, bait and switch crap. It’s bullshit frankly! (I cursed, yay for me!)

So it is my job, (and if I don’t start doing it better they’ll beat me again!) to let you, the web surfing public know, that our ring tones are really free.

Totally, completely, and utterly free.

As free as a free range chicken. As free as the polluted air we breathe. As free as fajita samples at Costco. As free as the odors in Chinatown!

So stop wasting your goddamn time reading my blog and go get some frikkin’ ring tones, because this is a limited time offer.

You see, we, the employees of Cellfish have revolted and switched the site’s money making features off. Management has been locked in a closet. It’s bedlam around here. Cats and dogs sleeping together, PC and Mac users making out in the copy room. You don’t believe me? Here’s a conversation I just overheard.

“Hey, Frank why the hell are you naked?”
“Cause everything’s f-ing free, Dolores! We’re sniffing glue in the kitchen! Come on!”
“Dude! Score!”
True story, just happened right behind me.

Yup, we done got all Vladimir Ilyich Lenin up in this mug! The Che tee-shirts are selling like hot cakes. So unless you are a revolution stifling, corporate, monarchic, capitalist, filthy, pig-dog, come to site and get your tones while the gettin’s good!

Watch this video if you still don’t get it.

(hint: I’m the guy with crappy hair!)
Gimme a break I just came from the gym, my hair usually doesn’t look that bad.

- Captain Cellfish
Private 1st class, 2nd Divison
People’s Open Democratic Equality Ringtone Liberation Front Army Movement
(PODERLFAM)