Well, the downfall of our society continues.

Gone are the good ‘ole days of yore, when you could spend a butt load of cash and actually get something of quality. See-ya later! Peace out! Yep, now all we have is a world where if you spend a butt load of cash, you’ll just get a piece of crap that makes you feel rich (even though you’ll be broke).

Case in point. One of my fellow Cellfishers recently purchased the Nokia N95. Price tag… $800.00 (= $800.00 Canadian = 10 Euros). For the sake of protecting his identity I will call him Barry Plandesberg. So Barry had his shiny new phone. A 5 Mega Pixel camera, awesome video camera, sexy slide activation, all kinds of bells and whistles. (Check out what the Diva said about it, here.) So Barry was braggin’ as was his right, that Nokia bad boy was sleek as heck.

Ah, but how fleeting bragging rights can be. Now it’s two weeks later and the ear piece is totally crackling, the videos are saved so big that they can’t be sent to anyone, the phone crashes approx. once every hour, the video phone call feature is not available in the USA, and the screen is constantly covered in face cheese. Needless to say, poor Barry is frickin’ pissed.

If the N95 was the only high-end waste of cash I would be able to stop there and not fret about the larger implications, but it isn’t, so fret I will. The next waste of cash is my sexy, brand new Jetta… It’s issue? The digital clock in the dash is slow… Like, really slow, (two minutes a day).

Now, the last I checked, digital clocks are not very hard to make accurate. I mean, the Chinese guys on the subway who sell them for $.63 would probably agree with me. But I guess VW had to cut corners on the Jetta to meet budget constraints (and if they’re cutting corners in Germany we are all in trouble).

Next up… Windows Vista. What can I say? Yikes, that thing stinks. Here’s my equation for the pricing of that thing. (If Quality = Price, than Price = $23.99)

And finally we arrive at my doorknobs. You see my wife and wanted our new apt. to be rockin’, so we went to Home Depot where I said to her, “F$#% it! Let’s get the nice door knobs. Sure it’s a monumental waste of money at $70.00 a pop. But quality door hardware is always worth it. We’ll be turning these things until we’re wrinkled and dumb.” She smiled at me, grabbed five of them, and said, “It’s the little things, that make a home.” It was a very magical moment.

Take a look at these bad boys. They are sweeeeeet.

Then low and behold, after about a month they started falling apart. Total junk. Glued on glass, loose fittings, and sticky mechanisms… Total shite, just like the $800.00 phone. So where does this leave us? My friends it’s time we speak out. Sure there are about 77,992 better topics worth protesting these days, but screw all them. I call for a quality uprising. I want you all to stand up from your desks right now. Get up and go over to the window (if you’re in an office building, smash something through the glass) and scream, “I want to spend my money, and I want to spend it on something that doesn’t suck!” (I’ll have the PR dept. work up a better slogan, but they’re all on line waiting to get their copies of Halo 3 right now)So rise up and take to the streets, in your poorly made sneakers and march behind Captain Cellfish’s sweatshop sewn banner. Because if we’re not careful we’ll look back on the crap products of today and wish life was that good.

Well, here at Cellfish we believe in quality over price, that is why our site is free to join, and we make quality video products for your enjoyment. And I’ll tell you this. You can watch this next video over and over and it won’t ever break. So enjoy our over sexed librarian, Ms. Bosworth…

- Captain Cellfish
Inspector 12 - Fruit of the Loom