Breaking Mobile News

Dateline Cuppertino, California

Apple CEO, Steve Jobs has just announced that Micky D’s ( Le Chateau du Ronald ) will be giving away the beloved iPhone with any purchase of a happy meal.

The promotion was announced by Jobs as he was online to see the Nanny Diaries at the mall. He was quoted as saying, “Let’s see Nokia and Motorola keep up with our sales now, bitc%!@!” Customers who paid the whopping (not whopper) original $600.00 price for the phone were outraged and not at all appeased by Apple’s offer to throw in a small fries for their troubles. Those that went for the promotional offer and got the iPhone with their happy meals seemed surprisingly nonplussed. Selma Roberts of Orem, Utah said, “Yeah whatever, I got the Happy Meal iPhone, but it had BBQ sauce on it, so I just chucked it.”Go ask the Fake Steve Jobs about it. He’ll tell you the whole deal.

Okay, okay enough tomfoolery here. Seriously, what is going on in the mobile world these days. Working in a mobile entertainment company it feels a bit like that scene from Ghostbusters where the D-bag throws the switch on the containment system and all hell breaks loose. Yes, that is exactly what it is like. “Cats and dogs sleeping together, Mass hysteria!” We need some pajama clad, comic geniuses to come in here and save the day. What a business we are in. It’s no wonder Mr. Jobs is sick of the cellphone business.

Today I was just told that my co-worker is in the doghouse because he bought his girlfriend an iPhone. “Why?” I asked. Well it seems the iPhone may have lowered it’s price, but you have to pay out of the rear to text message. I think it was $30.00 a month for 1,500 messages (there is no plan between 200 messages and 1,500). And then there are those stories of innocent Americans traveling in Europe racking up $3,000.00 roaming charges.

Madness, madness I tell you. Then the best part of the whole thing was the iHack.

George Hotz, a kid from New Joisey made Apple’s stock jump 3% by ripping open his iPhone and making it work on a new carrier. Wow. These are crazy times. The kid is now a college freshman, and a very famous one at that. I mean how’s this for a pick up line at your 1st kegger, “hey I made Apple 2 billion dollars 2 weeks ago with a soldering iron and some silly putty. Imagine what I could do to you.”

Here’s what I say. Let’s all stop panicking. Let’s make cellphones cheaper and easier to use, not harder and more expensive. Knocking off a couple hundred, and keeping exorbitant data rates is just insane. Let’s look to those search guys, we all love so much… What’s their name? Google I think it is. Those cats know what they’re doing.

Free video, free maps, free analytics, free home page, free muffins, free love. They have it down. That’s how you go from being a noun to being a verb. You give it away. Then everyone will need you. So this goes out to big brother Stevie Jobs, and Uncle Nokia, Auntie Motorola, you too. Oh and grandma AT&T, cousin Verizon, weird neighbor Sprint, and good-old, blind, toothless T-Mobile how could we forget you? If you’re listening, and I hope you are. Make it just all so very darned easy. Let the people use their camera phones and send their pictures out without having to cash in their 401k’s. Let your users enjoy the products you made for them. It will only make them want to use them more. It’s all cake to you anyway, what’s the difference?

- Captian Cellfish
Open House School, Teacher 3’s & 4’s