My friends it is that time.

You may notice that the name of this blog has changed. It now reads, “Cellfish - Mobile entertainment news & opinions.” Well it be time for a little taste of the opinion part. The Cap’n is about to get his opine on.

I am old… Old enough to remember when gaudy cheeseballz would whip out their wrists dramatically merely to let the setting sun glint off their shinny $10,000 Rolex. It was a time of unabashed greed, stupid hair, and fervent stubble. Yes my darlings, it was the 80’s.

But now it is the aughts, and oh how times have barely changed. The greed is the same, bad hair reigns, and stubble is still like a cold sore that won’t go away, but the dude with the Rolex has a new toy. It’s called the iPhone.

So when I was riding a packed NYC subway today and some professional cheesenip whipped his iPhone out simply to let the masses catch a glimpse of the holy grail, I just had to shake my head in shame. I know the pudweed wasn’t getting any internet underground. I know no one was blowin’ up his celly, nor was he looking for a seafood restaurant, or watching Hollywood’s latest pirate debacle. He didn’t have headphones in. The guy wasn’t even looking at the screen. My man was watching the faces of the huddled masses around him. Hoping that someone… Anyone might just think he was a better person because he had this miraculous piece of plastic.

Then just as I was about to give the human race my two weeks notice, a teenager standing right next to me confirmed that waiting two weeks to resign from life would be two weeks too long. The teenager whipped out HIS own iPhone. And this kid did even less than the other guy. Dingus #2 merely looked at the phone as if to see that it still existed. He flipped it over twice to show off his sexy red rubber case, then slipped it back into his pocket. Then it was 30 seconds of watching these the two iPhools eyeing each other peripherally to make sure they both knew how exactly how cool they were.
This is a picture of how they must have felt inside.

So what are the lessons to be learned here.
1. New technology is never quite as cool as we think it is.
2. If your phone defines who you are, then you are a phone.

And with that I take your leave.

- Captain Cellfish
Runner up, break dance champion
Camp Powhatan 1986