It is that time once again my fair mobile obsessed readers.

The cheese is pasturizing, the glogi is mulled, and the lingonberries are getting plump. The sheep are returning from their pastures, the first whisps of cool mountain air signal the change of the seasons. Ah Finland glory be to thee.

Last saturday the 8th annual mobile phone throwing competitions were held in Savonlinna, Finland. And let me tell you something, you thought you knew excitement… This thing is like game seven, bases loaded two outs bottom of the ninth, full count. This event is like the X-Games on Crack. This thing is… Words just won’t do. See it for yourself.

And yes, that is the man, the myth, the legend right there. Tommi. I have his rookie trading card… Signed. It’s worth like 3 euros. The guys is like sooooo totally hot. But all joking aside the man has a gun. He hurled that phone 89.62 meters, which is like 2,498 feet. If you’re interested, which I’m sure you are the complete breakdown of the competition can be found here.

By the way the top finishing American came in a disappointing 20th (I owe my bookie like 2 G’s for that one, probably gonna get my legs broken). You also may note that the American’s name is Puikkonen Panu. Now I’m no anthropologist, but that name sounds awfully Finnish to me. Something’s rotten in Denmark (Finland).The whole event was masterfully covered on Hitting the Wire & The (Other) End of the Internet

So you may ask, why write an entire blog post about a mobile phone throwing competition. Well, I’ll tell you. We here at Cellfish have a love hate relationship with these little communication devices we all have in our pockets. We know the potential for them is so great. They could work so well. They could revolutionize media. But they haven’t yet. American cellphones are so very similar to me in 6th grade. A lot of potential, with very little actual effort. Cellphones in this country are being held back by the carriers. Their cameras could be so much powerful, their bandwith could be bigger, and their data plans could be so much cheaper. So that is our frustration. But we will perservere. Like Tommi Huotari.

(cue dramatic music)

Cellphones WILL be better, we will demand it, we will shout it from the hills and the valleys, the rooftops and the subway tunnels… “Free our phones!” will be our battle cry and the cellphone carriers will rue the day, (I say rue) that they tried to keep us down. As the effete, dirty, union, broadway dancers sang as they stormed the Bastille…

Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Then join in the fight
That will give you the right to be free!

- Captain Cellfish
Musical Director, Carnival Cruise Lines

My friends it is that time.

You may notice that the name of this blog has changed. It now reads, “Cellfish - Mobile entertainment news & opinions.” Well it be time for a little taste of the opinion part. The Cap’n is about to get his opine on.

I am old… Old enough to remember when gaudy cheeseballz would whip out their wrists dramatically merely to let the setting sun glint off their shinny $10,000 Rolex. It was a time of unabashed greed, stupid hair, and fervent stubble. Yes my darlings, it was the 80’s.

But now it is the aughts, and oh how times have barely changed. The greed is the same, bad hair reigns, and stubble is still like a cold sore that won’t go away, but the dude with the Rolex has a new toy. It’s called the iPhone.

So when I was riding a packed NYC subway today and some professional cheesenip whipped his iPhone out simply to let the masses catch a glimpse of the holy grail, I just had to shake my head in shame. I know the pudweed wasn’t getting any internet underground. I know no one was blowin’ up his celly, nor was he looking for a seafood restaurant, or watching Hollywood’s latest pirate debacle. He didn’t have headphones in. The guy wasn’t even looking at the screen. My man was watching the faces of the huddled masses around him. Hoping that someone… Anyone might just think he was a better person because he had this miraculous piece of plastic.

Then just as I was about to give the human race my two weeks notice, a teenager standing right next to me confirmed that waiting two weeks to resign from life would be two weeks too long. The teenager whipped out HIS own iPhone. And this kid did even less than the other guy. Dingus #2 merely looked at the phone as if to see that it still existed. He flipped it over twice to show off his sexy red rubber case, then slipped it back into his pocket. Then it was 30 seconds of watching these the two iPhools eyeing each other peripherally to make sure they both knew how exactly how cool they were.
This is a picture of how they must have felt inside.

So what are the lessons to be learned here.
1. New technology is never quite as cool as we think it is.
2. If your phone defines who you are, then you are a phone.

And with that I take your leave.

- Captain Cellfish
Runner up, break dance champion
Camp Powhatan 1986

Okay feathered friends I am back, rebirthed, wide eyed, and bushy faced. I have sat in 17 meetings, read 38 memos, replied all to 1,348 emails, listened in on mute to 8 conference calls, drank 12 after work drinks, and wolfed down 1 lunch meeting. And guess what?

I now know exactly what this blog will be. Gone are the days of mindless rants, and overwritten diatribes. (well, obviously they’re not completely gone)

Arrived are the days of poignant, informative, overwritten diatribes.

So as Tony Montoya once said, “say hello to my little mission statement”…

The Cellfish blog will be a place where the layman can get news, tips, advice and opinions about the mobile entertainment world. It will serve as a bridge between the high tech world and the regular joes/joesephines.

Ok. You got that buck-o?

I hope you were paying attention, cause I am only saying it once. Now on to my next order of business.

Shout Outs! Over the past few weeks we have been getting a ton of blog posts written about us. (they’re sponsored posts, but they all seem to really dig our service)

So I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone out there who wrote reviews of our modest, little website.

Here are just some of the peeps who wrote about us:
Justin Lewis
Oh, Hey
Bryan’s Rants
A Tale of Two Mamas
Top 10 Tech Web Tips
Jenny’s Wandering Thoughts
And To Think
I’m Blogging That

And that’s just a few. A good couple of weeks to say the least. So check out their blogs cause they all had pretty cool experiences with us, and also had some great stuff to say.

So have a really Cellfish day!
(they put a gun to my head and made me say that)

- Captain Cellfish
Recovering Corn Chip Addict

Single sexy website looking for abused TextAmerica users who need a hug.

When we heard that TextAmerica not only started charging its users a monthly fee, but have stated that starting November 1st they are kicking off all their users, we felt we had to say something.

Read their disclaimer here.

And that something is, “come to Cellfish.com where the sun is always shining, and our users sing joyous songs of praise about us every day.”

Seriously, if you are a TextAmerica user we would be happy to have you. We value our users and we are always interested in hearing your thoughts on how we can improve our site. And get this; we’ll actually treat you like human beings. Even more importantly, we’ll treat your cellphone pictures & videos like human beings. Well, not really… We’ll treat them like pics & vids, but we’ll save them, store them, and let you share them with any of your friends and family members.

(Cue: obnoxious infomercial music here and read the next bit in a cheesy announcer voice)

But wait! There’s more! We also allow you to take pics & vids from the web and download it right on your cellphone. Holy Shenanigans Bat Boy!

Yes it’s true. And if you sign up anytime within the next 100 years we’ll give you all of this… For the low, low, low, low price of… Absolutely free! That’s right. You get a better service, in a cooler community, with many more tools, and a sleek design, absolutely free!

*by free we mean really, totally, and completely free
**offer not valid on the moon or at the bottom of the ocean

- Cap’n Cellfish
Last living Civil War veteran

I am going to take you back to a simpler time. A time before all the madness, and chicanery that took place on StumbleUpon. The date was roughly three weeks ago, let’s call it, Friday, July 13th (just to keep everything dramatic). An intrepid web surfer named izface had seen a high school teacher named Taylor Mali on television. She dug what she saw of him then found a video clip of him chilling unseen on our video page.

This clip was something I had never encountered, known about, or even dreamt of, but it was one of those rare clips that moves you. A man with something to say, saying it passionately and eloquently, and jabbing at the jugular of greed.

Check it out… I like it (there’s my obvious statement of the week)

So okay, young izface finds this video on our site and she adds it to her StumbleUpon page and low and behold the buzz begins. You see, that’s just how it happens in these web parts. You start with a piece of content. It can be stupid, it can be genius, it can be stupid genius. It can be inane and sticky, or plush and gooey, it can be medium rare. (I prefer my content with milk and two Splendas, but that’s just me.)

So you start with that piece of content, then you talk about it and very soon you get this. A downright hive of buzzing. A veritable juggernaut of chat.Everyone’s checking out the content and adding their two cents.

And that’s what we want you all to do. Search us. Search us like you were a DEA agent vacationing in Columbia. Then, when you find the nuggets of gold, push them out to the world. Through your blogs, your phones, your address books, you can even do interpretive mime performances of the content.

(btw we are developing a Send-To-Mime feature, beta will launch in Oct. It’s gonna be ground breaking. Very quiet ground breaking of course.)

So kudos to Taylor, izface, and all y’all who care.
Heace in the Piddle Beast

-Captain Cellfish
Duchess of Newark