My dear public,

I apologize for my recent disappearance. Last week I was kidnapped by a crew of furious, out of work, land-line, telephone technicians. These guys, grabed me while I was shopping in Star Magic, about to purchase some nice geodes, threw me in the back of their van and grilled me for answers to their idiotic questions.

Let me say this. Cellfish is not popular with ma bell. We have taken the great leap into the unknown future. We have made your cellphone the window to a brave new world. Your land line is a dinosaur, and we are the massive asteroid coming to make it extinct. Better call Bruce Willis and Steve Buscemi and have them try and stop us.

You think I’m being too dramatic? You try spending four days duct taped in the back of a Verizon van with three sweaty, hairy guys, who all seem to be named Carl, grilling you about the power of your platform.

Let’s just say it makes a believer out of anyone. So yes, I am proud of our platform. It does so very much, so very well. If you have any questions about what Cellfish does (I’m talking to you, Carl#2) please check out our “How-To” videos.

And what’s new with us?

Well I’ll tell you. In the coming months you are going to start to see our widgets popping up like acne on the horny, adolescent face of the web.

Also, stay glued to your Cellfish Videos page for our “Ask the Pros” series which will be premiering within the next few weeks. So get your video questions ready to share with our esteemed crew of top-notch pros.

And if you want to see one of the oddest vintage commercials ever, go watch this.

Captain Cellfish
Amateur Mindsticker & knitting enthusiast